Cause and Effect

This week I've tried some parental experiments designed to foster my children's autonomy, help them to see the natural consequences of their actions and bolster their feelings of self worth as they contribute to the work of the family. In other words, we've been working on chores.

Z has been studying different sorts of writing (descriptive, persuasive, etc) and literary devices. This week they've been talking a lot about cause and effect. It was interesting to sit in the back of the classroom grading papers and hear the connected and not so connected events in the books they're reading as the teacher tries to help them truly understand cause and effect. While this is an important skill in reading, it is far more valuable in life and I am continually appalled at how many adults misread true cause and effect--true natural consequences.

All summer long, we worked on some new house cleaning skills. Some chores were met with disproportionate resistance, but that's not surprising: we all have jobs that we don't mind and others for which we have a visceral dislike. School with its giant scheduling changes began and I didn't want to lose our progress. It took me a few weeks to see how our schedule was going to settle out and since I was tweeking things anyway, I decided it was time for kids to take on more responsibilities and to feel the consequences of failure.

In theory, the boys are supposed to wipe down their bathrooms daily. All summer long I did the deep cleaning of the bathrooms, which meant when the boys didn't do their daily work, my weekly work was worse. That's now changed. Now the boys are in charge of the deep bathroom cleaning as well. I put a very detailed instruction list on the inside of the medicine cabinet and walked them through the difference between daily wipe down and weekly cleaning. This week they didn't do so well at the daily wipe down. This morning, CW went to clean his bathroom and commented on how gross it was. Cause and Effect.

Z is supposed to clean out the dishwasher in the morning, and if he fails he must wash all the dishes that accumulate due to his failure. There were several days this week that were not his normal dish day where he had to do dishes anyway because of this rule. Cause and Effect.

We try to practice the piano before school in the morning. I find that their brains are fresh and the practice goes far better then than after school sandwiched in between low blood sugar haze, homework and swim practice. But more importantly, the brain activity that is piano practice--math and music, rote coordination and art, precision and expression--serves to order and prepare brains for school better than any other thing. From my vantage point, particularly with Z and his attitude, piano in the morning is like passing a magnet over metal shavings--his brain cells just stand up and take notice. Last week, however, piano didn't go so well and by the time piano lesson time rolled around he was scowling and fuming and spewing piano hate with every breath. He did not tone it down much for the long suffering piano teacher either and we talked about how if he wasn't respectful of his teacher, he would lose the practice incentives he might otherwise have received. We tightened our flak helmets for another week of practice. This week he practiced better and something miraculously clicked in his head. He got it. And at the end of his lovely lesson he thanked his teacher, told her he LOVED the piano. Cause and Effect.

Kids are supposed to make their own lunches in the morning. They have the option to purchase school lunch and sometimes the unsavory lunch choice becomes a great incentive to get their lunches made in a timely fashion. But if they are running late and ask me for help (and I am not also running late) I will help them out. One morning this week, CE began to yell at me that I hadn't made her lunch and she was going to be late. Puzzling. I reminded her of the family practice and her option to buy lunch. She fumed, threw her lunch together and stormed out the door. I got everyone else off and ran to a PTA meeting where I was met with this lovely text "u made me late. i hate u." Cause and Effect is not for the faint of heart.

This evening was the General Relief Society Broadcast, a worldwide meeting for the women in my church where we hear the inspired words of the prophet and other leaders. Sometimes I am uplifted and learn a lot. Sometimes I am just too frazzled and tired. I think last year I may have even unwittingly fallen asleep. A few days ago, I started pondering what I need to know, what needs to be different in my life, what heavenly inspiration I am seeking. Instead of hurrying to the church building to watch the broadcast with my fellow sisters in the church, I locked my mangy self (no shower today--more cleaning trench work with the kids) in my room and watched the streaming video on the computer, I had also had an unwitting nap with M earlier, so I wasn't dozing. And, as is often the case when I am prepared and ask the questions, the talks seemed tailored for me. I heard clear formulas of what I need to do for my family; I heard chastisements for my petulant behavior of the past few days. I heard what I needed to change. Cause and Effect.

What a tender mercy to be able to see the cause and effect in my life, to draw attention to those connections for the instruction and protection of my children, to be able to know how to seek an outpouring of revelation. Cause and Effect is all around us.