Stupids of thought and other dubiously helpful things

I know that the scriptures with respect to seeking spiritual answers refer to the stupor of thought a "no" will generate. I've just always felt that stupid of thought was far more descriptive, far more accurate a description of how things go for me.

Every time I've tried to figure out how to reconfigure my schedule to include the exercise which got booted out of its slot by crazy non-self-motivating family members, I get nothing. I have no idea that works. As a result, I have not exercised since the triathamom. And that stinks! It also does nothing to keep the insanity at bay. My children are far too egocentric to understand the adage "if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." Z even commented that he just thought I didn't want to exercise anymore, that I wanted to follow them around trying to get them to make the leap to self-motivating individuals. That was a very discouraging conversation.

I went into the weekend of General Conference with specific questions in mind, many of them focusing on how to help my family be where they need to be, how to take care of myself and how to not go crazy in the process. I felt that many of the talks spoke directly to me, that they gave me counsel and advice, just nothing easy, nothing "insert tab A into slot B and your project is done" easy.

Basking in the glow that words from heaven always give me (even if nothing is fixed, it sure helps to feel seen and listened to by the God of Heaven and Earth), I branched out, started listening to old talks I remember getting inspiration from, reading BYU Women's conference talks, etc. One such talk (I think it was Virginia Pierce, Pres Hinckley's very eloquent daughter) spoke of a woman who decided to go to the temple more frequently, seeking answers and how to help wayward children. She said, ten years later, that going to the temple did not change the problem, did not change the behaviors of her children, but it changed her. That ten years part was very discouraging; that no change in behavior part was exceedingly discouraging. But the part about the woman being changed for the better touched my heart. It made me see perhaps that the goal I have--non-crazy children who are self-motivating--while a good goal, is not the project I actually signed on for, although I didn't know it at the time. That doesn't mean I don't need to find a way to help my children to not be insane, to understand and implement the concept of productive family work and self motivation. That doesn't mean that I don't need (desperately) to find a way to exercise in a new time/way/place. I suppose that just means that all this seeking is really for a deeply more eternal purpose, one that has me chanting to myself another quote from the same talk "Keep it small, keep it simple, give it time."