In the Details

DH asked me what I wanted for my birthday several times this year and got exasperated when I couldn't give him an easy answer. I could think of things he could buy, but none of those things did I want as much as time to myself. And since he is crazy busy with work and the business of being bishop, time to myself was not something he could offer. The other thing that I wanted so much was a shower of attention from him. And again, not anything he could give me. The poor man barely comes up for air, feels desperately guilty for it, but he is truly trying to do what is needful. It's not as if he's off playing and leaving our family alone.

The birthday came, heralded as it was with banshees and spectacular acts of public clumsiness. DH had to work and my day was spent with my kidlets. We made cupcakes and hung out in that way where your children know you are there but are completely unconcerned except when they want something. All through the day dear friends stopped in with thoughts, cards, treats, plants. Faraway friends and family called and sent FB wishes. It turned into the greatest shower of attention I can remember ever having on my birthday.

The next morning, I headed off to the temple with one dear friend accompanying me and another watching my two youngest, only finding out on arrival that my recommend was expired. Not wanting the friend with me to miss out, I agreed (she didn't want to, I had to insist) to sit in the lobby while she attended inside. What resulted: two hours of time to myself to study, ponder, pray in the most divinely peaceful setting that is the house of the Lord.

God is in the details of our lives. Sometimes I forget this. How rich the tender mercies are that surround me and my family and bless us in ways I can't articulate. We aren't special, either. I believe that if we only look, any of us can see how our lives are dripping with infinitely personalized blessings, though they may at times be disguised as annoyances or even trials.

Because I am desperately forgetful, I've taken to keeping little notebooks. They started out as study notebooks for me to write down questions, answers and the directions my scripture study takes me. That way, even when I have very small pockets of stillness I can still learn something. Then, I started using those same notebooks to take notes in stake conference and other important meetings where inspiration would be distilling from the ceiling--if I would listen. I have tried to take these notebooks with me to the temple to write of impressions after I leave. But, I keep forgetting the notebook itself. I do, however, always have my phone and its notes app. Now my notes are filled with impressions from meetings, from temple worship, from quotes hanging in the ELWC at BYU. That way, I can return to things I have learned and wrap myself in those tender mercies when I need them.

"We are not alone. We are members of the Lord's church." That was part of the testimony of a colorfully dressed African sister in my parents' ward over Christmas. That note in my phone feeds me and reminds me when I feel a little neglected, a little transparent, worn thin by the necessaries of life. God is in the details. When I look for those details, I am in awe.