This month

This month has been more than I could get my brain around.

First there was conference with all there is to be done, that I need to do.

Then, the following Sunday, my grandma passed away after a massive stroke and a life of pain. Even though she is at peace and pain free, finally. Even though she had been missing Grandpa so much since he passed away. Even though I have a strong and abiding testimony of eternal families, my heart hurts. I miss her and that makes me miss Grandpa anew as if they had died within minutes of each other instead of years apart. And I want to find something wonderful and moving to say, to write and can't.

We went up for the funeral and I found myself surrounded by extended family that it will not be easy to see again, because Grandma was our easy link to one another. That was an unexpected hurt. People I love are just too far flung and it is too difficult to keep close to too many of the people I love. We actually rolled into town for the viewing several hours later than we had planned (always later than we had planned), needing a place to change clothes and unable to find one. The one friend I still know in Orem wasn't home. We used to know so many people in Utah County and now it's down to a very few, so we ended up changing clothes at the mortuary. Lovely. Another unexpected hurt to find Orem so empty, underscoring the raw fact that Grandma is gone and I can't pull into her driveway and hug her anymore as we're passing through.

We were in town for about 36 hours total, including the viewing, the funeral and a few precious hours spent with family. And then we drove home again to take DH back to work, Z to cub scout day camp and CE to her first swim meet. Oh, and somewhere on the drive home, DH informed me that the firm retreat was the next weekend so I needed to get a plane ticket and we needed to find childcare!

DH's parents stepped up to take care of the kids that following weekend and we had a lovely respite in Arizona for a couple of days and brought home some kind of stomach bug that nearly killed us for the next several days. Sometimes the kharmic "payment" for fun is far more expensive than the fun itself = five days of dying for 2 days of rest? Somehow doesn't seem fair. But we survived.

Oh and the fridge went out in the midst of this month and the repairman is finally coming to fix it today. And April is gone. I think that's a good thing.